Some Mothers Donít Get A Perfect Ending

By Erma Bombeck


              IF you are looking for an answer this

Mother's Day on why God reclaimed your child,

I don't know.


I only know that thousands of mothers out there today

desperately need an answer as to why they were permitted

to go through the elation of carrying a child and then to lose it

to miscarriage, accident, violence, disease, or drugs.

  Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions,

it is a state of mind.


From the moment we know life is inside us,we feel

a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.

It's a promise we can't keep.

We beat ourselves to death over that pledge.


"If I hadn't worked through the eighth month"

"If I had just taken him to the doctor when he had a fever"

"If I hadn't let him use the car that night"

"If I hadn't been so naive, I'd noticed he was on drugs".


The longer I live, the more convinced I become that

surviving changes us.

After the bitterness, the anger, the guilt and despair are

tempered by time, we look at life differently.


When I was writing my book

"I Want to Grow Hair,I Want to Grow Up.

I Want to Go to Boise,"

I talked with mothers who has lost lost a child to cancer.

every single one of  said  that death gave their lives

new meaning and purpose.


And who do you think prepared them for the rough, lonely

road they had to travel?

Their dying child.

  They pointed their mothers to the future and told them to

 keep going.

The children had already accepted what their mothers

were fighting to reject.


The children in the bomb out nursery in Oklahoma City

have now touched more lives then they will ever know.

Workers who had probably given their kids a

mechanical pat on the head without  thinking that

morning were making calls home during the day to their

children to say,"I love you."


This may seem like a strange Mothers day column on a

day when joy and life abound for millions of mothers through

out the country.

But it's also a day of appreciation and respect.


I can think of no other mothers who deserve it more

then those who had  to give a child back.


In the face of adversity we are not permitted to ask

"Why me?"

You can ask, but you won't get an answer.


Maybe you are the instrument who is left behind to perpetuate

the life that was lost and appreciate the time you had

with them to do it


The late Gilda Radner summed it up pretty well.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned

the hard way that some poems don't rhyme

and some stories don't have a clear beginning,

middle, and end. Life is about not knowing,

having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it,

without knowing what is going to happen next.

Delicious ambiguity."