Hello ,I am James Wier's mother ,Lisa. There is the " before me " and the " after" me. The  first one laughed more , trusted more ,hoped more , and believed that no matter how hard the situation was for the moment , it was temporary , and eventually everything would turn out all right . My husband and children were my life , I made that decision ,and never regretted it .I was enjoying the company of sons that were now grown , a daughter blossoming in beauty and wit , a wonderful daughter in law , and a beautiful grand daughter.I could see the future as a welcome friend , beconing me to its slower ,softer pace . I was going to be the happy , bubbly  and fun grandmother

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  David and I were married in the spring of 1971 , two happy , giddy, teen agers so marviously in love. Ten months later we had our first son , David Christopher , and a year later I gave birth to our second son , James Matthew . We had the usual ups and downs , short on money and long on love .David  Christopher developed severe asthma and allergies and the first 17 years of his life were spent in and out of hospitals .

David played in nightclubs for many years as a second job . I took care of other children , was a pre school and Sunday School teacher and ten years after having our first child , we had a daughter , Shannon Michelle . Standing in the grocery line , James once turned to me , looking me up and down loudly proclaimed I was too old to have a baby . I was the decrepit  age of 28 .                                                    

As the years rolled by , I renovated an old house , wallpapering , pulling up dining room carpet and tiling it myself , painting the inside ,and 3 feet from being completely finished on the outside ,I fell off the ladder cracking my knee cap and being covered head to toe in paint , I crawled into the house , bather and shaved and put on make up and then went  to see what I had done to my leg .

Later on I took up cake decorating , refinishing antique furniture ,writing wedding invitations,place cards and certificates handwritten in calligraphy  . I make floral arrangements,bridal bouquets , corsages ,boutineers ,floor lengh wedding veils ,cake toppers and satin and lace wedding and anniversary books

I enjoy playing the piano ,but have found it difficult to do since James died . I have gotten back into doing more landscaping around the house . I have written stories and poems , but very sporadically , although my husband has been pushing me for several years to start back writing on a more regular basis . How ironic

 that the one bit of writing I have been doing is a journal of sorrow that I started after the death of James.

The " after" me  doubts more , fears more , trys to keep the mind continually occupied to keep despair from completely devouring me . I used to be a voracious reader of horror books and now cautiously pick one up ,not wanting to read anything that may remind me of a son cut down in life before he real;ly got to live .Each day is a struggle beginning with the knowledge that with each passing day I am leaving James further away in the past , the gap growing wider and wider. It takes an inordinate amount of energy to do the everyday things I used to not think twice about.....like when asked how many children do I have ? I have gained 25 pounds since James died using food to medicate my pain and now battling to get the extra weight off .I live in guilt for the the mother I am now , and the one my son and daughter will not see again , and my grandchildren will never know

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More Pages  about James Wier

Poetry

Inspirations*

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