Hello,I am James Wier's mother, Lisa. There is the " before me " and the " after" me. The first one laughed more, trusted more, hoped more, and believed that no matter how hard the situation was for the moment, it was temporary, and eventually everything would turn out all right. My husband and children were my life, I made that decision,and never regretted it. I was enjoying the company of sons that were now grown, a daughter blossoming in beauty and wit, a wonderful daughter in law, and a beautiful grand daughter.I could see the future as a welcome friend, beconing me to its slower, softer pace. I was going to be the happy, bubbly  and fun grandmother

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  David and I were married in the spring of 1971 , two happy, giddy, teen agers so marviously in love. Ten months later we had our first son, David Christopher, and a year later I gave birth to our second son, James Matthew. We had the usual ups and downs, short on money and long on love.David  Christopher developed severe asthma and allergies and the first 17 years of his life were spent in and out of hospitals.

David played in nightclubs for many years as a second job. I took care of other children, was a pre school and Sunday School teacher and ten years after having our first child, we had a daughter, Shannon Michelle. Standing in the grocery line, James once turned to me, looking me up and down loudly proclaimed I was too old to have a baby. I was the decrepit  age of 28 .                                                    

As the years rolled by, I renovated an old house, wallpapering, pulling up dining room carpet and tiling it myself, painting the inside,and 3 feet from being completely finished on the outside, I fell off the ladder cracking my knee cap and being covered head to toe in paint, I crawled into the house, bather and shaved and put on make up and then went  to see what I had done to my leg.

Later on I took up cake decorating, refinishing antique furniture,writing wedding invitations,place cards and certificates handwritten in calligraphy. I make floral arrangements, bridal bouquets, corsages,boutineers, floor lengh wedding veils, cake toppers and satin and lace wedding and anniversary books

I enjoy playing the piano,but have found it difficult to do since James died. I have gotten back into doing more landscaping around the house. I have written stories and poems, but very sporadically, although my husband has been pushing me for several years to start back writing on a more regular basis. How ironic

 that the one bit of writing I have been doing is a journal of sorrow that I started after the death of James.

The " after" me  doubts more, fears more, trys to keep the mind continually occupied to keep despair from completely devouring me. I used to be a voracious reader of horror books and now cautiously pick one up,not wanting to read anything that may remind me of a son cut down in life before he really got to live.Each day is a struggle beginning with the knowledge that with each passing day I am leaving James further away in the past, the gap growing wider and wider. It takes an inordinate amount of energy to do the everyday things I used to not think twice about.....like when asked how many children do I have & I have gained 25 pounds since James died using food to medicate my pain and now battling to get the extra weight off. I live in guilt for the the mother I am now, and the one my son and daughter will not see again, and my grandchildren will never know

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More Pages  about James Wier

Poetry

Inspirations*

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