James Matthew Wier - A Memorial

While crossing the street on his bike,James was hit by a pick up truck which was running the red light. He was 11.

A telephone repairman witnessed the accident and tried to give James a ride home. Since he had always been told to never accept a ride from a stranger, he refused and walked home. The best the repairman could do is follow along side James and tell us what happened, saying James had been hit pretty hard, and advising that a doctor check the child over. He had physical therapy for several years but was plagued with constant back problems the rest of his life. Most people were unaware of his back pain for he did not let it slow him down and he never complained about it.

In high school James took honors courses including honors band and jazz band. He earned many academic and music awards. He could play the alto, tenor and baritone saxophone and some piano and guitar. He also wrote short stories, poems, music and composed his own sheet music.

James was in the National Beta Club and the National Honor Society. He graduated with honors in 1991 from Lakeview Centennial High School and received two scholarships-The Amy Senato Memorial Scholarship (which now has become The LCHS Band Scholarship in Memory of Amy Senato and James Wier / Band Awards ) and a $3500. scholarship from The University of Texas.

He dropped out of college after his father was laid off from his job with the intent to eventually go back. He had wanted to be a band director.

On December 19th, 1991 around 2 in the morning, we were unaware that our attic was engulfed by fire until it dropped down into the den, and the wall exploding out. James had to pull me out of the house after I

had run back in to find our 11 year old cat. He also dodged a fire ball when he had tried to water down the den with the garden hose.

In July of '93 he was married-for a very brief time and in the early part of 1998, James woke up to find the wires to his water heater burned, and the back of the wall scorched..

James was always willing to lend a helping hand. Whether it was to climb the tree and cut branches, get on the roof to fix something, or housesit our animals while on vacation, we could depend on James. I had not realized until he had died, how many things I took for granted that James had always helped us with doing around the house.

James was a born again Christian, far from perfect, but he knew the ONE who is and cleansed his heart.

James was a compassionate, generous, and kind hearted soul who befriended everyone. He was always taking home stray kittens and giving homeless people a place to stay. . We loved James very much and miss him.

July 2nd, 1998, we were on vacation when I called to see how my mother was doing and tell her where we were staying .Much to my surprise, my brother answered the phone, but to my horror, in the background I could hear the paramedics trying to revive my mother. She died on route to the hospital. We immediately called our son and daughter in law, David and Kelly, and then called James who had been staying at our house( with his 2 cats) babysitting our menagerie of animals. He opted to clean up the place (more or less) and go back to his own home. We arrived at our house in the wee early hours of the morning.

July 4th, 1998, James calls to checkup on how I was doing. Oh God, if I had known this was to be my last conversation with him, I would have memorized each word and burned it into my very soul! Before going into work to wrap things up, he let me know he had arranged to take off the rest of the week and would
see me later.....

If only I had kept him on the line longer .............or shorter...if only !! If only !!!This will forever haunt me
I told him I loved him...he said he loved me...and we said goodbye..........and hung up the phone.James Wier

We were finishing my mother's funeral arrangements when our front door was flung open and in rushed our daughter in law, Kelly, with her sister Miki, (who James had been dating along with a couple of others).
I could tell on the looks of their faces something was very wrong. They told us a chaplain from Methodist Hospital had called and said James had been airlifted there, and had been in an extremely serious accident!

I screamed for my husband, David and ran off to tell him back in his office. My mind was racing.....inside I was screaming...I couldn't think....concentrate....someone dialed the hospital for us...a doctor told us to get their as fast as possible and would meet us at the ICU to talk to us.......James Wier

When did I realize that James had been airlifted? Was it on the way to the hospital? Inside the hospital? I don't know....I can't remember...all I know is the steel, cold realization of what this may mean feels like i am being pummeled by spears straight to my heart. .My adrenaline is pumping...everything seems so surreal...sharper...on a different plane. .somehow I have stepped into a play...I keep trying to concentrate...I can't !! I can't !!

I try to use the cell phone...I am shaking so badly I can't seem to get a connection...and when I do...no one is home...we try....David trys a few more numbers...we can't get a hold of anyone. It is the fourth of July. Everyone is out with friends at the lake...in preparation of the fireworks to come later....Where is everyone!!!!We keep jerking the phone away from each other...we leave frantic messages on answering machines all over town. We also have been unable to get in touch with our daughter, Shannon.

We finally find our way to the correct hospital floor and the ICU. .who did we finally talk to first? I still don't remember. What I do remember is talking to James' trauma doctor. Thank God for this man. Dr. Alex Santos. We were blessed to have this doctor who
was patient and understanding... genuinely cared...and calmly repeated over and over to us the extent of James' injuries .How many times he must have said over the course of the next 4 days that it was normal for us not to be able to retain most, and often all of what was being told to us and not to be embarrassed about asking to have it repeated. It was our way of handling the shock. It is too awful to be able to take it all in at once, so our brain protects us by not letting it all be remembered at once.greif

He told us James probably was driving on the highway about 60 miles an hour ....and due to a previous accident, an 18 wheeler was stopped at the bottom of a hill, straddling two lanes on the highway .James hydroplaned into the back of the semi trailer, with another car hitting James from behind. My son ended up under the semi .The 18 wheelers axle was broken ,the driver, Lonzo Lane jr, all right. My son's car was a crumpled mess of steel.grief

James already had irreversible brain damage upon impact , his body starting to go into seizures. ,He had a depressed compound fracture, with his skull fractured in 3 places. We learned that it took quite a while for the police to show up. The truck driver did not call the police. Careflite flew him to the hospital. . Both of his eyes were dilated ,and uneven ,a sure sign of brain damage. He was posturing ,meaning abnormal muscle movements, another sign of severe brain damagegrief

Dr. Santos tries to prepare us for how James will look...but no amount of words could ever describe how he really looked when we walked into the ICU room. It was hard to believe this could really be him. Only a few short hours ago, hadn't he promised to drop over after work? Please God, no, not Jamie!!

           grief and bereavement bereaved parents        James Wier mourning   July 4 accident   Lighthouse for New Hope

There James was lying so still, barely recognizable, his head big and swollen, and part of his thick brown hair had been shaved off, replaced by a hideous bolt that jutted out from his forehead. One eye was partially cracked open, never blinking, only a shattered black pupil engulfed the eye .Stitches sewed up a huge, angry gash from his forehead down to his cheek. His face and eyes were black and blue .His hair was matted with blood and I saw that there was crusts of blood in his ears and nose, almost every facial bone was broken, his skull was crushed.Tubes were coming out from everywhere. In the background ,we heard the sadistic whoosh whoosh   of the ventilator softly mocking us. Tubes from his mouth carried out black globs of bile. An array of lights danced overhead on the monitors screen. I was to learn what each number meant...as each hour went by , I dreaded looking up at the changing numbers, , yet I dreaded not doing it either .James' brain kept swelling...like shaking baby syndrome. As long as the brain kept swelling, the brain damage kept being compounded. Medication was not helping in reducing the swelling. His cranial pressure fluctuated, but kept climbing
                                                        July 4                David ,Lisa ,Shannon                                              death and dying   grieving parents   Lakeview Centennial        HighSchool Garland texas

James was in a deep coma next to brain death as you can be. He did still have reflex responses but there never was a time James tried to breathe on his own and my insides cringed when I watched the tubes being changed. When the ventilator stopped, so did his breathing, once the new tubes were inserted, the machine started, then and only then did his breathing resume. The day it looked like good news-his cranial pressure was down....something we had been hoping and praying about ,we were told it was because he was vomiting up pieces of his brain. The nurse ( not our favorite one) explained to us (My GOD!!!!WHAT she said !! I wanted to shout and scream and take James home right now...but wanting the doctors and nurses to help him, all this going on inside my head at once .I wanted to let out the most hurt and agonizing scream that I could. .instead we just mutely stood there ,in shocked silence listening ) she said because of the breaks in his skull and pointing to her throat, she said it was falling down into the throat. .so when he vomited up pieces of his brain, the cranial pressure went down. James was also vomiting up fluid from his brain. What that looks like is forever seared and etched upon my very being. Oh my poor son!! This can't be happening!!!! Don't you understand! I had just spoken to him...he was just going to work...it was daytime ,the traffic was light due to the holiday. .he finally had a car that I felt he was safe in, instead of those old clunkers he used to have ,he was grown...you worry about them as teenage drivers...he always used his seatbelt....he was just on his way to work. James Weir,James Wier,James Weir,Lakeview Centennial highschool,,Garland Texas,car accidents,wighteen wheelers,New Nope Funeral Home,Lighthouse for new Hope,,Lighthouse, New Hope, Lighthouses,Hope,New Nope,hope LighthousesLight,children,youth,support groups

Several of the neurologists offered no hope...Dr. Santos reassured us that he was going to give James a fighting chance ,and while he would take all the other drs opinions under advisement, he promised he would tell us when he felt there was no hope. ............ then that time came. support groups,youth,kids, teens,adults,grieving,spouse,widowed,widower,faith,God loves you,,trust in God,greif,greiving,grief,griving,beravement,bereaved,parents death,child's death,dying,James,Wier,Weir,Lighthouse for New Hope

I had to attend my mother's funeral .A former and current girlfriend stayed by James' side for me. Otherwise, I would not have stepped foot out of the hospital. I went to pay my respects to my mother and on the way out , one of the neurologists told us we needed to decide what day we were going to take James off the life support. I thought David was going to hit the insensitive clod.(a note here...this dr was the exception,for we found the doctors and nurses
in the ICU to be a group of compassionate and hardworking people who did everything they could to try and save James.
They have our utmost respect...especially Dr. Alex Santos and nurse Catherine Vandendiepstran.) compassionate friends

The family had decided it would be Friday when the life support would be removed. James was never going to get better. Would he want to stay like the way he was now? Of course not. It was doubted that he would ever reach brain death because of the skull fractures ,his brain had room to move around, instead of cutting off the oxygen supply to the brain stem. July 8th, we prayed that if James was not going to recover, for him to reach brain death where we would not have to make the decision.caring hearts,sudden loss,sudden death,semi-,tractor-trailor deaths,Lighthouse,The Lighthouse for New Hope,Lighthouse,LIghthouse,Lighthouse hope,grief groups,

ON that day I told James that he had been in a real bad accident and that he was hurt very bad and if this was too hard, it was okay to let go and be with Jesus in Heaven. I told him not to worry about us , and someday we would all be together again with him in Heaven (James had accepted Christ as his savior in junior high)my son has died,

,death,brain dead,brain dead,life support,highway fatality,July 4 highway accidnet, New Hope Funeral ,New Hope,Hope,Funeral,Lighthouse,Lighthouse HHope,Hope Lighthouse

Early on the morning of July 9th, James' cranial pressure reached in the high 80's ,the tests were given,

My son had reached brain death on his own. It was 9:30 in the morning.The worst day of my life

The gates of Heaven are opened and there must be a great rejoicing over there. I know my son is now REALLY. home...but I am still over here

There are no adjectives to really convey my feelings on how I felt. No word too awful ,or invented to explain to others my agony. T o grasp how tormented you are seeing your child( once so alive,. .ALIVE ) ,well you just can't. You can't .I once thought I could imagine it ,but until it happened to me, I didn't have a clue to how it felt in the slightest. sorrow ,devastated,heart broken,support groups,help for grief,

Friends and loved ones said their final good byes to James.ames. James Wier, Lisa Wier, Shannon Wier,David C.Wier,Garland,Texas,,David Wier,DavidWeir,Wier,Weir,hope,

We had already spoken to our other children on their feelings on donating James' organs. and were all in agreement We knew that James was in Heaven, only his body left here. How could we bury healthy organs 6 feet under the ground when they could mean a long healthy life for others ?We requested for the hospital to get in touch with the transplant co ordinator for us .The organ recovery team would arrive at 2 am. It was now midnight ,and we would be going in to see James one last time.I guess you can call this next thing a "mommy thing".....I insisted on staying after the rest of my family had said their good byes ,and I would wait with James until the recovery crew arrived. .I felt that I was there to welcome him into this world ,I would...see him out of this one too.southwest transplant alliance,organ donation,transplants,organ transplants,recipients,organ recipients,transplant,Southwest Transplant Alliance,Giving and Living,harevesting organs,gift of life,transplant gift of life,organ donor

I talked to James .I sang to him.....old and familiar hymns. I touched his face, his chest his hands his knees ,his toes...I told him how much we loved him so and how he was so special...I laid my head on his chest and listened to the beat of his heart. A heart that had once been growing inside me and grew up and lived too short of a life with James. . I felt the warmth of his body and knew it would not be too much longer when...( Jamie please don't die, I silently screamed. I need you. We all do. You are part of us. and then just ,James I am so, so , sorry you had to go through all this .You deserved so much better, At last now ,in Heaven you will find love ,joy happiness and a peace that I can't begin to imagine, and your body won't be all broken ..
.I wanted time to stand still ,or at least go very slowly....it went all too fast.
Then I had to leave the room...forever.

While the story of James' life on earth ends here; for others ,,the stories of their lives will continue. Thanks to organ donations and transplants. James was an organ donor. He helped a multitude of people. A little 6 year old boys eyesight was restored ,a 54 year old man now has a strong healthy heart, a 47 year old lady has one healthy kidney and new liver now, and a 37 year old man ,has a healthy kidney now also.

As he had helped others during his life ,he will continue to help others through his death.

I miss you James! I love you so much!recipients remember James!kidney transplants,heart transplants,cornea transplants

July 2002 It has been four years now since I heard James' voice ,given him a hug, seen his face. It has been a long ,hard journey filled with countless tears and sleepless nights. Few mention James at all any more. Why is it when someone marries we all celebrate, but when someone dies we act if nothing has happened? While the gut wrenching tears have ended, and visions of the accident do not haunt my every waking minute, what continues on (and in the hearts of every parent who have lost a child) is the fear that James is being forgotten. tractor-trailor fatalities,eighteen wheelers,truck drivers,safety,underride deaths,Trucks,holiday deaths,

If you know someone who has lost a child, the best gift you could give, is to let them know you remember the birthday, and especially the death date. A simple phone call acknowledging these dates, and letting your friends know that YOU are aware how rough these days are for the bereaved parent, means so very much!!!!! Silence makes us feel like everyone has either forgotten or just doesn't care about the importance of these dates .It invalidates our child's life. Try to remember that for the rest of our earthly life we will Never see our child again.

September 7, 2004
SIx years have gone by now, and it has been a remarkable journey, a difficult one for any mother to have to make, and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about James .Birthdays are still terribly difficult, anniversaries, weddings, a new grandbaby, all are tinged with sadness for the one who is not their to experience these things with his family. I still don't hear from family members on James' birthday or the day of his death, or even seem to be aware at holiday times I am missing him. You don't get over the loss of a child, but you learn to live differently, incorporate ways for you to keep your child a part of your ongoing family.A memorial site is one example,Every Christmas I have an angel tree in the entry way where I exchange angels and other ornaments with others who have suffered a loss,We read "James;Christmas Wreath:every Christmas, it has become a tradition, I am able to have all the stockings hung, and ask people just to write a note and drop it into James' stocking .The notes remain there unread.
AND yes, I do enjoy life, and I don't cry every day, but there are still some dark moments, few and far between, mostly around the time of his death and birthday..

For those parents who have recently lost a child, I promise you that there will come a time when you will not cry all the time...there will be a day that will go by that you don't fall apart....then two.....Bible,read the Bible,Trust God,Jesus loves you,dying children

There will come a time when you will feel things again...and care about things again... laugh at things again .No not in the same way that you use to, but you will learn to live with this "new normal" way of life..

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ope Funeral home, Lighthouse for New Hope,

IMPACT PROJECT....Fighting Against the Underride Tragedy

I am one of the grief facilitators and a board member at The LightHouse for New Hope

Our youth are hurting, our families are grieving, our senior citizens are mourning. The most vulnerable in our community need a place to turn. None of us can escape the pain of grief and loss. Our vision at The Lighthouse for New Hope is to establish a facility that will be there for our community when loss occurs. We gladly accept donations

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